Who Am I As A Woman?

                I don’t want to be expected to be somebody just because I am a woman. I kind of just want to be myself. I don’t want to be too girly, yet I don’t want to be a sexual object. I just want to be seen as the person I am underneath.

                I have gotten caught up in standing up for my gender from time to time, but it just kind of gets old after a while. I think we think about it too much. If you are a strong person, you will represent yourself how you want to. I think that if someone is treating you how they shouldn’t, you’ll let them know.

                Boys unfortunately grow up being socialized with the wrong way to think about women. Women grow up hurt and afraid of trusting again. Speaking from my own experiences, sometimes I am just not interested in appearing “too girly” because I do not wish to be stereotyped. I would rather dress in a more cool fashion. Other times, I want to look nice. I feel like I get caught in between who I “should be” as a woman, and who I am “expected to be” by misinformed males of modern society.

                I am just tired of thinking about it and worrying about it.

                Yes, I know I am a woman, but that is not who I am.

                This hair will turn gray one day. My skin will shrivel up like a prune. My brain cells which hold whatever knowledge I possess will decay and die. Everything I see in the mirror will change. I don’t want to waste this young life on contemplating such matters.

                Just listen to my voice and you’ll know who I am.

                Yes, I have boobs. Not my choice.

                Yes, I have big blue eyes. Not my choice.

                Yes, I have pretty hair. Not my choice.  

                Yes, I have a great skin tone. Not my choice.

                We shouldn’t idolize one another as gods and goddesses based on what we never even gave to ourselves. I know I am not perfect and have viewed people incorrectly, as well.

                I’ve been addicted to pornography.

                That crap messes up your mind. Your whole outlook.

                It warps everything innocent and turns it into lively torment.

                It was God who rescued me from it, but I’m not saying pure thoughts aren’t still a fight.

                I’m just saying that we are not the skin. The eyes. The hair. The houses. The cars.

                A person is what they are in their heart. Such can only spew outward and deliver whatever actions or words they wish to execute.

                “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life”. Proverbs 4:23, ESV

                This verse is the answer to being who you’ve always wanted to be. Guard your heart. Let God tell you who you are. Society is full of a bunch of wandering people just like you.

                But don’t worry. God made you. He knows you. 

                The ultimate guarding of your heart happens when we fully and unashamedly give it to Him.

                So…who am I as a woman?

                I am whoever God says I am.

                So are you. 

  

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