I don’t know what it is exactly, but I feel hot springs welling within me. There are deep, deep things that are about to burst. A rock in a slingshot, a stone in a catapult, a soccer player about to kick a ball for the final game goal.
It’s time. But what for? I suppose it is time to finally be free. To be myself without any fear from the other man. Who cares what he thinks? He didn’t fashion me, nor did that random person form me. God did. And I think my thoughts, carry my own convictions, and walk with the brain/muscle communication as I control it.
In Proverbs it says that the fear of man is a snare. Well guess what? This animal is breaking the trap, opening its grip, and taking refuge on the tallest nearby mountain.
Oh! How I shall run! How I shall sing and smile and lead and crash into the wind with fearless fervor.
I’m becoming fearless, and not a person or a thing can stop it. You want to keep me down? Well guess what, you never will. You want to belittle me? Well guess what, you’re just belittling your own self. You want to crush me? Well guess what, my God is larger than the Universe and will protect me.
I don’t know who I am talking to, exactly. Possibly a mixture of the enemy and of everyone I feel has wronged me. But I am also speaking to myself.
I have been my own trap by giving into people-pleasing. It’s such a disgusting waste.
Why do I need EVERYONE’s approval? And why do I need EVERYONE to pat me on the back like a puppy?
Truth: I need NO ONE’s approval. I am a child of the living, breathing, powerful, loving, and mighty GOD. Second Truth: I am not a puppy. I am a strong, warrior princess with a stern look on her face—a look that gazes into the eyes of injustice and spits upon it, smashing it under her foot like an insect.
I am not angry.
I am just alive.
I am myself.
I NEED to empower myself. And perhaps, through empowering myself, it can help empower other humans.
I am not the weak, disturbed person who saw a penis when she was 8 and then delved into pornography as a teenager.
I am a beautiful, brave, pure, innocent, strong, capable woman who has so much purpose left to fulfill.
I feel a passion coursing through my being, wanting to do things. To make things right. To run to the ends of earth in raging victory.
For that’s who I am.
I AM victory, for victory Himself lives in me.
I win. And no one can take myself away from me, for they are not me and they did not form me.
You have no entitlement to my life. Not one of you. Who are you to change me? That’s God’s job. Who are you to belittle me? Do you not also have flaws and imperfections?
If you are also a person prone to people-pleasing and feel powerless to change, listen to my words. Let me be a voice from God to you.
1. Consider WHO you are, not who people “expect” you to be.
2. Consider WHY you are, not why you “need” to do this or that for some person.
3. Consider WHAT you are capable of, not what you “owe” people.
I am not saying that you abandon commitments and serving people, but I am saying this: Never do something to “repay” and never do something for approval.
Be who GOD made you.
You weren’t designed by man, so why do you need to conform to their limited human opinions?
no. No. NO. never. Never. NEVER.
Conform to God and His limitless love, perfection, instruction, and boldness.
And then you will be WHO and WHY and WHAT you are.
And that’s it.