I’m angry.

I’m angry at all the things I wish I could be but am currently not living as.

To put it honestly, I am in a freaking funk.

I have been jobless for three weeks and the pangs of indecision are crippling. I have been bumming around, moping, and hoping for the next great thing to hit me in the face like a bowl of Nachos. I know I sound hormonal and negative, but I just need to get things off my young adult chest.

I’m 23 years old and have a college degree.

I went to college because that–naturally, and in American society–is what happens when one graduates high school. Did I graduate with a vision of what I wanted to do with my life?

No.

You know, I wish they would teach us younger folks that there is a real world out there. I wish we were allowed to be kids, yet with the understanding that there is a transition that is coming.

I graduated high school and was suddenly expected to be an adult.

Abrupt. Unfair. Unreal. Alone.

They didn’t tell me that parents had the free will to move away once their child was old enough (nothing against my mom! I’m glad she did what she needed to do in life!).

They didn’t tell me that college doesn’t even promise an answer of what I am to do. I mean, I went in to college wanting to do one thing, but changing to another degree due to fear and different desires.

I don’t know. Maybe this whole post is an emotional lie and I am blaming all these other things when I need to be looking at myself and my own choices.

I just wish life were easier. I wish there wasn’t tragedy to heal from. I wish there weren’t jobs I needed to find. I wish choices were easier to make. I wish…I wish…I wish…

I’m angry…

but that is not who I am.

 

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