I’ve been experiencing some growing pains, lately. It hurts to be stretched apart, torn, and rebuilt like a muscle. It hurts to battle your own weaknesses face to face like a video game Boss.
It hurts to feel the deepest wounds become vulnerable and to let them bleed, heal, and be bandaged by organic skin as opposed to toxic coping methods.
A battle that’s been waging against me is the fear of being replaced or abandoned. It happened when my dad got remarried. I wondered why he was able to spend the rest of his life with this woman when he should have spent my childhood with me. (He’s a traveling preacher and so would be gone a lot while I was growing up.)
My brother is now in a serious relationship. He and his girlfriend have been visiting this week. I wondered if I was being replaced. If his time and attention would now go to her instead of me, his BEST FRIEND.
And I’ve been feeling, quite honestly, very alone. The men in my life that I have wanted to be there for me are both in love and I have yet to find it.
But the thing is, I’ve had someONE who has been in love with me since BEFORE the foundation of the world. And just because I’ve had some bad experiences with men growing up does not change how much I am loved.
I’ve been looking at life through a tainted perspective full of lies, doubts, and despair.
But it just drags me down.
I’m not replaced. I now have another mom-type person in my life and she loves me very much.
I’m not replaced. Now I get to have a sister! I’ve NEVER gotten to have a sister.
My life is not being stolen, it’s being enhanced.
Like a photoshopped landscape with brighter colors and wilder smiles and better features.
This is what growing pains do. They hurt during the growth, but result in joy in the aftermath.
I am not alone.
I. Am. Bold.